Real talk, I don't know what I'm doing right now. This post is just a bit of the rambling and I have going on through my head.
I'm in that weird phase of my life, where I really don't have any direction of what I want to do. I've graduated high school. Yea, cool, a huge accomplishment I guess (I'll talk more about the value of a high school diploma in relation to how I was raised in a later post). I've been accepted into a wonderful 4-year university and am set to attend in the fall. But at the same time, I just want to stay in this moment forever.
So far this summer, my days have comprised of waking up rather later in the day, doing a little bit of work on my computer, then heading to the archery range for the majority of the day. I've spent most of my time at the range, whether it's coaching, shooting, or just hanging out. I feel like all of my friends are the people at the range, and the field feels more like home than home actually does at the moment. I've done the things to make myself enjoy life a little bit more. I've eaten that piece of cake, gone to that event, hung out with people, and made decisions that weren't as carefully calculated as I usually would. I've said the words that's made me vulnerable and have gotten shut down and rejected. I've put myself out there. There hasn't been a structure. For the first time, I've gotten to enjoy my summer the way that I want to.
At the same time, I feel the impending doom of summer ending. I have just under a month left before I leave Austin and make my move to Dallas. There's the fear of how I will manage living alone, in a new environment. I just want to stay in this exact moment. I just want to hit pause.
It’s May 1st, so you know what that means, it’s the national day of college decisions. I am excited to announce that I will be attending the University of Texas at Dallas to study Information Technology and Systems, with the Academic Excellence Scholarship that covers a full tuition as well as gives me a stipend each semester. I’m excited to see where this next chapter of my life takes me!
Rejection sucks. There, I said it. It’s out there now. Can’t take it back.
No, but seriously, rejection hurts so much. Being in the college application stage where all I can do now is sit and wait for results, I have to mentally prepare myself for the rejections I’m bound to receive. Having already received a few, I’ve experienced the devastating crush of reading “We’re sorry to inform you” and it doesn’t get any easier.
I know I set myself up by applying to so many top tier schools. But on the other hand, would I rather feel regret in 6 months, wondering what if?? At least by applying and getting a rejection, I know that for sure, they didn’t want me. Wondering what if might be even worse.
Is it bad for me to stay emotionally unattached to a school? To protect me from feelings later on. But does that show that I’m uncommitted? I don’t mean for it to come across that way. I’ve very interested in each of these schools and I’d be happy and would excel at any one of them.
Each time, it is worse and worse. Each rejection is another door closing. Another option is gone. Poof! Just like that, my pool of options diminishes. Leaving me with less time to look for more options. Hoping that deadlines haven’t passed.
Pretty much, moral of this is, no matter how many times I have to read those 5 words, there are always other things coming my way, and it’s not the end of the world. Somehow, through all the disappointment and the heartbreak, I’ll find something that I’m happy with.
My only hope is by the end of all this, I’ll find the school that I want, and they want me back.
365 days of endless possibilities. This is the year of ME. An open road with only myself to figure out where to go.
So many things are happening this year. I’m graduating. Finally leaving the public school system that I’ve been in for so many years. This also means, that I’m leaving behind friends, and other friends are surpassing me to go to bigger and better schools, thousands of miles away.
This is also the year of the unknown. It won’t be until May that I know where I’ll be in September. And even then, there is a lot of uncertainty. Who will I be rooming with? What major am I going to be studying? What classes will I have? What city will I be in? Am I going to be fine without my parents? And the friends that I’ve counted on for years. Even right now, there are quite a few people that have committed to schools, and they have their next 4 years planned out. This makes me a little nervous, it’s such a big decision and I still haven’t heard back from many of my schools. Additionally, I would be leaving the safety I’ve had for the past 7 years of school and routine.
Along with that, there’s also archery goals. As much as I want to put more time and effort toe the sport, I have a feeling that archery and competing is going to be taking a backseat for this year, at least while I’m finishing senior year. There are a couple of tournaments that I really want to go to, but as of right now, I don’t know how feasible that is.
With the amount of work that I’ve put into graphic design last year, I’m finally going to take the plunge and start my own freelance business. Along with that, I want to put myself out there and apply to graphic design positions with local agencies. This has potential for a lot of rejection, but I will never know if I don’t try.
I’m willing to give it my all, and see where I end up.
This year is unwritten, blank pages of a book left for me to fill in the blanks. I have ambitions for this year, and plan to fill every page with memories and accomplishments.
Well, another year has passed. So here's about 50 pictures that shows some of the highlights of this year. Beware, there is an enormous amount of pictures of food, archery, and selfies. Actually, that's pretty much all of the pictures here. But that pretty much summarizes this year for me. Can't wait to see what next year brings!
Here's to an amazing 2019!
I’m usually not the sentimental kind. Or the kind to keep any kind of souvenir to remember anything by. Sure, I have a few journals here and there with random memories in them, but nothing consistent. But this is an important milestone in my life and I want to have some way of remembering it later on. My last summer as a high schooler.
It is currently the day before school starts, and just thinking back, I’m crying, tears of joy, of sadness, of regret, all of the above.
In so many ways, this summer was one of the best. I didn’t do anything too memorable or application worthy (let’s be honest, summer before senior year is for doing stuff to put on applications) but I managed to accomplish so much. What I’m writing about might not seem like that, and many people, even those that know me very well, wouldn’t know how bug a deal some of these things are, such as Nationals.
With that said, I spent the first 6 weeks of summer studying. I took Government and Macroeconomics at ACC so that I could have an off period this school year. This was a little difficult for me only because it was purely self learned and we had tests each week with some other homework assignments during the week.
I spend the first half day of summer at a Starbucks, studying for Gov and Econ before going to Amanda’s middle school graduation. The next day, I spent it at Starbucks studying with Sarah, and then APL as well as Trader Joe’s.
The second weekend, I went to Dallas for my first ever Star FITA tournament, which was also my 2nd time shooting 60m. It was a great experience and I shot a personal best.
I spent the first full week of summer driving Kevin to basketball camp, and the second week at Baseball camp. I spent the majority of my time at these camps studying or doing assignments. The third and fourth week I drove him to SoccerZone. I also spent a lot of time at the range, mostly working as an admin. There’s nothing too notable to say about this, it’s the same thing that I’ve been doing.
That’s all of June for me.
July started nicely, I had about 4 days before I left Austin for the next 3 weeks. I spent a lot of my days going out to the field whenever I could (I even went out there on July 4th) because the first weekend of July was Outdoor State in Houston. That was something new for me because it started raining the first day and we had multiple lightning delays and a lot of wet clothes and muddy shoes. Despite the rain, I shot a personal 36 arrow best. The second day was bright and sunny (although the ground was still muddy) and we finished quickly and I headed back home.
I was home for about 30 hours, which included a lot of laundry, washing muddy shoes, equipment maintenance (fletching arrows, making sure I have everything), and packing, I was ready for JOAD Outdoor Nationals in North Carolina. This was a huge deal for me because it was one of my big goals for my archery career this year. The past year had all been building up to this. I have another post that details Nationals which I will link here.
I was in North Carolina for a week, and I visited Duke, which was a beautiful campus, with amazing architecture. I flew back to Austin on a Monday, after a few flight delays and close scares of missing the flight home, we got home around 10pm. That gave me just enough time to do laundry, and repack before leaving for Seattle the next morning at 2:30am. While it was for way too short of a time, it was nice to sleep in my own bed.
Seattle was our family vacation of the year and was really nice. I learned that while traveling and sightseeing was fun, by the end of the week I was glad to be heading home. Traveling and dealing with jet lag is exhausting. I have blog posts for each day that I was in Seattle and that are linked here: [SEATTLE 2018]
That’s the entirety of July for me. State, Nationals, and then Seattle.
A large part of August was spent catching up on the sleep that I lost in July. I know, I know, that’s not how this works, but you know what? I wanted to sleep so that’s what I did.
I spent August working, shooting a little bit just so I didn’t lose my strength, watching a lot (A LOT) of TV shows, and hanging out with friends. I spent a lot of time playing the flute as well as the piano, which was something that I had not done in a very long time. I also started being a little more active, going on walks with Sarah or with my parents while walking the dog.
I made the absolute last minute decision to sign up for Buckeye Classic, a National level tournament that would take place the first weekend after school started. I felt like that would be a nice way to really end out summer, with my last tournament of the outdoor season, and my last outdoor tournament in the Cadet division.
I met up with a friend who I had not seen for 9 months, and we talked the afternoon away, going back on memories, and catching up on what we had been up to. This inspired me to get back into my creative groove, and start doing more graphic design projects, as well as starting to look for freelance work.
On the last Friday of summer, I watched Crazy Rich Asians, 2 days after it came out in theaters, and it is the best movie I have ever seen. I might do a movie review post on this later? We’ll see. But this was a really nice way to cap out summer. The same day, I attended a coaches meeting, where I got really excited about the prospect of my new job, and who I would be working with, and all of their goals.
Now it's time for another chapter of my life. Senior year. So scary, but I'm excited about what's to come.
Summer 2018. So much was done. Thank you for being so good to me, and filling every day with a new adventure. This is a summer to never forget.