Real talk, I don't know what I'm doing right now. This post is just a bit of the rambling and I have going on through my head.
I'm in that weird phase of my life, where I really don't have any direction of what I want to do. I've graduated high school. Yea, cool, a huge accomplishment I guess (I'll talk more about the value of a high school diploma in relation to how I was raised in a later post). I've been accepted into a wonderful 4-year university and am set to attend in the fall. But at the same time, I just want to stay in this moment forever.
So far this summer, my days have comprised of waking up rather later in the day, doing a little bit of work on my computer, then heading to the archery range for the majority of the day. I've spent most of my time at the range, whether it's coaching, shooting, or just hanging out. I feel like all of my friends are the people at the range, and the field feels more like home than home actually does at the moment. I've done the things to make myself enjoy life a little bit more. I've eaten that piece of cake, gone to that event, hung out with people, and made decisions that weren't as carefully calculated as I usually would. I've said the words that's made me vulnerable and have gotten shut down and rejected. I've put myself out there. There hasn't been a structure. For the first time, I've gotten to enjoy my summer the way that I want to.
At the same time, I feel the impending doom of summer ending. I have just under a month left before I leave Austin and make my move to Dallas. There's the fear of how I will manage living alone, in a new environment. I just want to stay in this exact moment. I just want to hit pause.